ifs'

IF ever a day comes and you're done loving me. I will let you go willingly so you can have your freedom in life. But I'd like you to know that I'm grateful for every moment I've spent with you for it was more than I could ever ask for. It was nice to feel wanted.

I truly BELIEVE it's TRUE

Trying...

I've enjoyed doing this most of the time

I do this quite often

I like this more than anything

And I'm supposed to be CREATIVE ?

Yeah, I think I'll do that TODAY

Don't you think so?

My effort

What do you see?

What I see is me stuck with memories of you and putting a huge effort to let go. I've moved on, I've found someone who's worth fighting for. He loves me for who I am, looks out for me and changed me for the better. I am not going to let this relationship go down the drain just because I can't seem to forget what I had with you. You let me go with ease and ended what we had simply because you couldn't confront me with my mistake so that we can work things out together, as a couple should. I admit, my relationship with him may not be perfect, we argue most of the time and the rest of the time would be spent by setting aside our differences and loving each other sincerely. At the very least he doesn't keep everything from me. I love him, and I pray to Allah every day that we will be united as one in the days to come. I truly believe that he's the right one for me. So do me this one favor and help me figure out a way to let these memories go.  Even if it means having to see you again for one last time just to set things right. Because, I do believe we could have ended thing a little better, in a way that both of us could except that maybe we're not meant to be. What do you suggest? Please, let me know. I need this and I do believe it is what's best for our future. If you read this and understand that I need you for this one last time, Thank You.


p.s. I truly appreciate everything you've done for me for the past five years and more that we've known each other and I sincerely apologize that things could not work out between us. However, you should know that I've always prayed that you were my last because I never intended on feeling the pain I felt from my previous relationship.  But then again, I do believe that Allah has better things planned for us. So thank you, for everything :)

I pity you

I'll be stronger than yesterday

But you still do it anyway

Because, deep deep way deep inside my heart, I still care about you

Apparently you did that.. so I'll act like I don't care

Not my problem

And you blame me for not texting?

Seriously.. Why?

Was I an option?

Sorry, I guess that's you

Prevention is better than cure, right?

Help :( how?

I hoped it wasn't too late :P

Try, try and try to make the best of what you have left

What I know that you don't

what do you think?

Take your pick

True true true ;)

Ironic :P

Why bother ?? ... Ohh brother.... Here we go again...

I don't see the point. I don't see why I even bother thinking about you anymore... It's not like you care. Why should I worry about replying you text OR NOT!? Why do I bother thinking about the best sentence to reply your messages with hurting you? WHY? WHY? WHY? Ahhhh... Do you really deserve all this?? Sheish... STOP ! STOP! STOP ! I don't think so, you left me for months, why can't I do the same thing to you for days? ==' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Help?

Why now?

Just when I thought you've left me for good, you come back . . . . . Why? Why now? Why not NEVER? I'm not mad you for saying what you said, because I realise it's true, SOME of it. But I'm mad at you for leaving me without a reason. For as long as we were together, never once have you ever mentioned his name in front me. The first time you mentioned his name was the day you left me. I don't blame you for deciding to leave me. But why HIM? Why mention his name then? Why not before? When you had so many questions in your head . . . Why keep all those questions to yourself and leave them unanswered? I don't blame you or anyone else except myself. I have no reason to do so. Though, I do question myself sometimes . . . Why didn't I ask you? Why didn't I push you harder? All and all.. it's a little too late now though, DON'T YOU THINK ??? Then...... Why bring it all up again??? Why not leave it where it was months go? Start new and rebuild this friendship we use to have. However, I can't promise you that it will never be as perfect as it was before. Forgiving is forgetting BUT NEVER forgive and forget, as it is a lot easier said than done, trust me I know.

P.s. Good Luck and I wish you all the best in life. Insya-allah maybe we can mend and rebuild this friendship somewhere in the future. Maybe...

Come and Go II

Each and every one of came into
my life and left me in pain, that is what I thought at first. But now, I see
things clearly, what Allah has left for me from all of you. With each goodbye,
you have taught me the lesson of life. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before,
but now I do. It is all THANKS to you, all of you. Each one left me with
different lessons in life. I used to ask myself “why did you leave me?”, so
many question left unanswered. Though now, it’s crystal clear. It may seem like
the most painful thing to go through at first, but all it really is, is
teaching us how to live our lives and how to overcome the challenges in life.
The next time the same situation comes across you, you’ll know how to solve it.
It took me quite sometimes to realise that you left me for a reason weather you
realise it or not, weather it was intentionally or unintentionally. Now, I understand that everything happens for
a reason. You may never be with me in the years to come to walk beside me and
support me. But you have all walked beside me in past and will be walking along
with me with your words of advice that you have left me guiding me through my
life and the lesson of life you have taught me on the day that you left me. All
is done, there is nothing you can do to change what is said and done. I can
honestly say that it still hurts every now and then when I remembered all the
things we did together. It will be hard for me to get my work done, but I have
to choose between dwelling on the past or moving on and making the best of what
life has to offer me. It was never entirely your fault for leaving; it was my
decision to let you go, even when I know it would be hard and painful to forget
each and every one of you. Because you became a part of my life and never once
will I ever deny the fact that you were all once a part of my life. So THANK
YOU with <3 to every single one of you because even if you have left me, you
haven’t left me entirely and I still love all of you ALL OF YOU because each
one counts.

Come and Go

Each one of you came into my life and left. I used to regret
having any of you in my life once. But someone posted this on his wall not too
long ago “Never regret the things you did, regret the things you never did,” It
took sometimes for me to figure out what he truly meant and now I understand. I
no longer regret having any of you in my life, because each and every one of
you taught me something about life. So indirectly, Thank You. Thanks to you, I
now know how to make friends and who to be friends with or maybe something more
than that. So, thank you. I’ll cherish all those moments we spent together and
take it as a lesson in life ;)

Unfriend You

Does deleting someone from your facebook list of friends means your friendship ends right there and then? I don’t think so, unless you block them from you page that puts it in crystal clear form that you don’t them to be a part of your life any longer. Truth be told, even after I removed you from my friend list, I still visit you page every once in a while just to check up on you. Even that is still not enough, because I still care; sometimes I wonder how things are going for you. I have to admit it took me quite sometimes to get back on my own two feet after what we’ve been through. But life is never easy, sometime you need help from the people around you and your assignments to occupy your mind. I’m grateful that there are people out there willing to lend me their hands. However, it doesn’t mean I’ve completely moved on. I haven’t, it’s just that I don’t dwell on it as long as I used to. I used to lie to myself saying that I’ve moved on just so my heart and mind can finally accept the fact that you’re never coming back and that I will never look back to see how great the past was when I, myself, is uncertain about what life has in store for us. The future might better on the other side, you never know. So, I would like to take this chance to tell you that I can slowly learn to accept that we can never be more than friends and I still care about you as much as I used to. There were times when I’d dial your number but never had the guts to press the “call” button because deep down I know that you’ll never pick up. Even so, it’s harder to pretend like you have never existed in my life or this world. But you did, sometimes ago and you still do even when you went missing for that couple of months in my life. I can’t deny the fact when it’s staring at you right in the face. I would also like to thank all my friends and family out there for helping me get through each day, putting up with stubborn behaviour. Thank you so much, I truly appreciate it.

Like Like Like

He used to take care of me when I was little. He's one of my cousin. I used to love listening to his speech. He'd come over and ask how me and my brothers was doing in school, since we were schooling in a foreign country, and give me hours after hours of long speech about life and how we can stand back up with our own two feet after each failure in life. I'd see him often back in UK. But here, I rarely see any of my cousins, him especially. I love to read his wall posts on Facebook. Loving all the quotes he posts and tend to agree with mostly all of them. The post, quotes of life, is something that I can relate to my life how the world works and ways to solve. Sometimes, it's fun solving riddle-like quotes. Figuring out the real meaning behind these lines is like figuring out what lies behind our entire life. Everything happens for a reason. It's hard to except the fact but it's the TRUTH. The reality of life is not a fantasy and it hurts most of the time. We just have to learn to except it and move on.

#finallyrealisingsomethingoutofnothing

Got something to say ? ? ?

Do you have something to say to me? Something about me that you dislike? Or perhaps something I did or say that you disagree with? Or maybe something that you dislike about my family? I'd like to say "HATE" but that's a little to harsh. Anyhow, come forward and say it to my face. Be direct and if possible don't miss out any little details. I'm giving you the chance to speak and let your opinion's' be heard. I promise I won't be angry or mad because at the very least, you're being honest and sincere about what you think about me. I can't deny the fact that I'm just a normal human being. I make mistake, neither am I perfect. However, wanting to except my imperfection and make a difference to myself, that whole new story. That's my decision, whether or not to except it or deny it. Although, I am a person who is willing to change for the better. If I believe that what you say is true and that it is something I should change about myself then it can be taken into consideration.

Nevertheless, I feel that a person who can't come forth and let their opinion be heard should never have the rights to judge another or comment on other's appearance simply base on their own dissatisfaction. You have a voice, let be heard. Besides there is no point in commenting on others appearance when they can barely hear what you have to say about them. Indirectly, you're avoiding the sin of cursing and insulting others behind their backs.

Honestly saying, I used to be a part of this disgraceful community. I like to insult others when they can't even hear a single word I say. But, growing up, I'm beginning to see the world in a whole new perspective. I can't seem to find to objective this whole "INSULTING" thing. From this, I am more aware of myself from what I wear, what I do, the way talk to the way I look at people. Imagining myself in other peoples shoe and considering their opinion. Even so, I'm still no better than any of you out there. I am just simply my humanly-imperfect-self as anyone out there. Every now and then, I admit, I tend to get involve in this accidentally but I'd stop as soon as I realize it. Thinking to myself "Astaghfirullahalazim what am I doing? STOP!" walk away from the crowd and don't look back, there's no point. I won't miss out on anything except the sins of insulting others.

*There was no grudge held against anyone specific in the making of this post, rather it is an open opinion for everyone and anyone out there. Hope everyone can get a little something out of everything that is written up here. I sincerely apologise for the unintended feeling created after reading this blog, not my intention to do so. Sorry and TQ :)

#randomfeelingcauserandomblogging