How I feel . . . and ? ? ?

I know you meant well. But I can’t bare it, the pain and heartache. I know you came to ask if I was doing okeyh with good intention and trying to keep the promise you made me years ago. Sorry for acting the way I did when you asked. I did what I had to do to hold myself together. Though, it was a little blurry in the beginning, I suddenly remembered what it is you were talking about. I didn’t think you’d still remember the promise you made years ago. As grateful as I am that you still kept that promise, I would rather have you forget it and let it go. I won’t speak of it if you promise to let me go. It’s not that I hate you; it’s just that, it’s still hard for me to face you. My heart, it still pounds so hard when I hear your name or see your picture or anything that makes me think you or even if it is you yourself, I still get nervous like the first time I saw you or when you walked by past me. Never the less, this heart know that it is not worthy of you. I did what I had to do for now, until I’m ready to except that fact that you’re no longer the one. I unfriend you, I deleted all you text messages that I love to read, I deleted your picture in my phone and I kept all my memories of you in box hidden deep somewhere out of sight, a place I couldn’t possibly think to look for whenever I miss you. Do me this last favour, leave me, don’t come back, don’t look back and move on with your life as if nothing ever happened between us for the past five years and I’ll learn to let you go. Forgive me, but please try to understand what it feels like to be me if you were in my shoes right now. I dearly apologise for everything.