Not my intention

Please forgive me. I have no intention of finding a replacement. I don’t intend to play in this game of love anymore. I have had just enough pain and suffering to go through and I do not wish to go through it again. I know you’re sincere, but this heart has gone through so much in one year and I feel it’s time to rest and focus on my study. I told you what I need to tell you and I hope you understand. I don’t plan on playing with your heart or feeling. You’re a good friend and I wish for you to say that way till the day I die, because sometimes all I ever need is a friend to be there for me when no one else is and nothing more. Besides, “I love you” is not something I just say to anyone and I know that now. From now, onwards, I will only say it to those, whom I truly love and care about, and to those who actually deserved to be loved. It may be easy for you to say it, but to me it means a lot more than just a simple three word sentence. You can say it as much as you want to me, but I will only reply when I learn to love you sincerely. Furthermore, I don’t think you’re saying it because you mean it. You’re just saying it because you’re desperate. It’s crystal clear and I understand. As desperate as I am, I still have my pride and I have no intention of letting go of my ego. You’re a good person, I know. You’ve helped me so much in the past several months we’ve known each other. But I’m not ready, not now at least. I let my guards down ever so easily this year. So I’m building up the walls that had been broken down, only this time it’ll be three times thicker than the ones before. I’m not letting myself be fooled by this game more than three times and I’m sorry that you’ve only come now. If you had come sooner, maybe I would have a change of hearts. But what’s done is done. You can’t change what fate has in store for us. I can’t deliver you something more than friendship, because that is just about the only thing I have left to offer. I’m saving what’s left of my love for my family and someone who truly deserves it and appreciate every bit of what is left of this torn up, scared and unsealing heart. Forgive me for not replying your text when things get awkward between us. It’s just that I haven’t learned to let him go, just yet. Maybe, when I do, I’ll see you a little more than what I’m used to, now.