You're the reason why I check my phone every minute of ever second, even though I know there will be no new messages. Sometimes, I just wished you'd know when I need you without me telling you that I need you. When I'm in bed, sick, you're the first person I'd hope for to come and take care of me without me asking. I would tell my mother, but then I know she'd be busy juggling work and taking care of my brothers and the house. I would ask my dad but then he too would be busy helping my mum. When I cry, you're the first person I think of. The one person who I believe could help wipe away my tears. You're the one I'd like to share my secrets with. You always know how to make me smile when I'm sad. You know how to make me feel better. Though sometimes, you leave me hanging and confused. I just wished you would tell me why? Answer all my questions. Help me open up to you. Because right now, I'm having such a hard time trusting you. I'm sorry. I'm still struggling. I still keep secrets from you. But believe me, you don't know how much this heart is dying to tell you everything. It's just that I'm scared. I'm scared that if I tell you, you will leave just like the others. There are times when you distance yourself from me. No text, no mail and not even a miscall . It makes me wonder, do you not care about me one single bit? Or did I do something to push you away from me? I don't mind if it is a day or two. But beyond that, is something else. I'll be worried. I care about you too much. I worry that something bad might happen to you. Especially knowing that you're always far from home. But I can't show it. I refuse to show it. Because I believe if I show you that I care, that's when you feel that I care about you too much to leave you, but it's okeyh if you leave me. That is why I'm having a hard time telling you the truth. Sometimes, when you ask if I'm okeyh, I'd lie and say that I'm just fine when I'm not. Sometimes, when I'm hurt and in so much pain I'd put a :) just to lie to you that I'm okeyh. Sometimes I get scared and try to distance myself from you the moment I feel that you can read me, you know how I feel or what I was going through at the time. A part of me is glad that you've known me well enough to be able to read me, but the rest just keeps denying it as I'm scared the same thing would repeat itself year after year, non stop. You're always giving me hope to start fresh and open up a new book everyday. You're the reason why I no longer hide myself behind the crowd. You're the reason why I'm able to walk with a group of people with my head held up high. You're the reason why I'm no longer afraid to try out new thing and experience something different. You're the reason why I care about the people around me so much lately. Sometimes I care about them so much that I couldn't careless about what happens to me as long as they're alright. You're the reason why I often use the word "syg" in every sentence. You're the reason why I've changed a lot over the past several months. Finally, you;re the reason why I carry both of my phones around with me 24/7 instead of having it locked up in a drawer on silent mode. So thenk you, I owe you.
